Let me say this right off the bat. I am a terrible cook. Across the board. It is literally one of the things that I am worst at, just behind working out where to put the fabric softener in my washing machine. BUT, with all this spare time on my hands, I have decided to push myself to learn more and be better at the deceptive art of cooking. So, without further ado, lets kick off this COVID culinary adventure with something that I am very well versed in eating, cookies!
I decided to really push the BOAT out on this one (get it?) and challenged myself to make not a batch of cookies, but one big cookie in the shape of Grand Cayman. My friends laughed at me, my family said it was near impossible. I was determined, I was driven, and within the first 10 minutes I was covered head to toe in flour. Enguard, cookie dough. Today you have met your match.
I started with the basics. We all know the basic, right? I didn’t, so I asked my sister for help. After she was done mocking me, she showed me how to beat the sugar, butter and eggs together, creating the perfect gooey salmonella puddle. Sounds yum, hey?
Next, I added the flour, and this was my first mistake. I dumped the whole lot in, and upon the first attempt at mixing, I prompty got flour in my eyes, which left me incapacitated for the next 5 minutes as I tried to regain my vision.
Once I had recovered, I tried again, and it was glorious. I had forgotten how good cookie dough tasted, and before I knew it there was barley enough left to make the cookie itself.
The next step, is to wash ya hands! Essential always, but more so in the chronicles of COVID culinary school. Then, I grabbed the dough, with my exceptionally clean hands, and rolled it out onto a greased baking tray, pushing it to the corners. Now, here comes the tough part. These exceptionally clean hands are not only terrible at cooking, but are also artistically deficient. What I mean to say is, I am also bad at art. What you see in the next picture took me no less than 4 attempts and almost half an hour, but I was proud of it. Still am, actually.
Voila! How about them apples?
All I did next was chuck it in the oven (after posting pics of it all over social media to bask in the praise of my peers) and waited for it to bake.
Now, what you are about to see may rock you to your core.
Some are saying it is a culinary feet unmatched by any other.
Gordon Ramsay was quoted saying: “…”
Absolutely nothing because he was left speechless.
Behold, Cookie Cayman!
I know what you are thinking, but don’t worry. I have decided to remain a boat captain, despite the numerous job offers that will undoubtably come once this blog goes live. Although I clearly have untapped potential that would no doubt lead to a storied career in the culinary arts, my heart stays with my rays and the Caymanian waters.
Tune in next week for Vol.2, as I shock the world again with my attempt at homemade pizza.
Not sure what ill make for Vol. 3, I’ll really be scrapping the bottom of the mixing bowl. Just a little cooking joke for you there. Zing!